Late Night Rant
The circles underneath my eyes are big enough to carry a cup of water, but there's nothing like the satisfaction of going to bed accomplished. Not the accomplishment of writing here tonight, but doing something so different from what you're used to and then enjoying it. I had the opportunity to do property management and expand my budding copy writing/public relations business. I'm glad I named the business Fearless Communications because I started it at a point in my life that I've stopped fearing the possibility of doing something good for myself and others.I've lived a life of complacency thus far. I've tried to make myself so comfortable that I forgot what God had put me here to do. I focused on building up worldly things and ideas that I turned away from the things that gave me more satisfaction than material gains. When I was younger, I was full idealism, hope, courage and an unwavering faith that through God all things were possible. As I grew up into independence I began to force myself out of my younger hopes and into more "grown up" realities. I began to surround myself with people, things and thoughts that drove me to not care about who I was affecting, which direction I was turning and at what consequences would result from my actions. More so, I thought that I didn't need anyone telling me what to do, but I was letting everyone and everything else tell me what to do and didn't notice.
I guess my turning point came over a year ago when I was so desperate for attention and withdrawn from my former glory that I did things that would shame my family, friends and those who looked up to me. After all was said and done, I pondered if I wanted to continue in a life that changed with every passing thought and was navigated by my desires instead of focused on the legacy I wanted to leave for my children. I was in such complacency that I didn't want to give up my current life. I thought that my children would learn from my mistakes and make themselves better people. I was almost about to give up the mantle about being a father when I realized that my own father, who died in 2000, never gave up, not even on his deathbed.
It wasn't just the thought of my father, but the thought of my life being worth nothing until I did something to redeem it, turn it around and regain my glory. So I looked for things that made me feel good about myself, but still wanted to enjoy my current creature comforts. It wasn't unitl I joined a new church , Atlanta Metropolitan Cathedral that I found something to make my life worth living again. This new life did come with a consequence, well not a so much a consequence to punish me, but it cost me relationships that weren't leading anywhere, opportunities in the wrong direction and a sense of comfort in my self-identity.
I was reborn, rededicated and reworked, well still being worked on, and turning into something that I never expected over the past few years. Someone who's not afraid to say no, not afraid to pursue what's Godly instead of what feels good, not afraid to speak up for what I belive instead of pushing them aside to benefit others, not afraid to stand on my own two feet raise my hands and surrender who I was in order to become I am destined to be. It's refreshing and I'm glad that it's not just a one-time deal. I've been this new man for more than a year and I've felt that I've been him for all of my life, like this is natural, like going back home and being welcomed with open arms.
As my eyes get heavy and my brain begins to scream for sleep, I'm still buzzed that this new man has accomplished yet another day free from living under the thumb of doing things on my own and living with lighter shoulders because I don't have a burden to carry anymore. It's all His.
